Example #174 of How a Man in Power Didn't Make Me Feel Safe

Warning: rant for the day to follow


An excerpt from the full article:


"Women should embrace the full pain of childbirth to bond with their babies instead of resorting to anesthetic drugs, a leading male midwife has said. ....the pain of labor should be considered a 'rite of passage' and a 'purposeful, useful thing.' ....the pain prepares women for the responsibilities of motherhood..."


Oh really? Pain as a rite of passage? Pain prepares women for the responsibilities of motherhood?


I have a problem with those thoughts.


If pain was my special and necessary method by which I became a better mother, what was my poor husband to do to prepare himself for the responsibilities of fatherhood I ask? Did he have no pain of his own with which to prepare himself? Perhaps I should have dug my fingernails deeper into his arm during labor? Or was he just naturally prepared to be a better father because he's a man?

For the record, I have no beef with any woman who doesn't want to use anesthetic drugs during labor and delivery. I've been down that road myself. But, if I ever deliver another child, believe me, I'm asking for drugs. I'd be a fine mother and bond with my child quite well, thank you very much.


What makes me upset is the theory held by a man that I would bond better with my baby and be a better mother if I abstain from drugs. Hearing that the pain is good for me and the child would not make me feel loved and cared for. Would he abstain from pain relief if he had to have a bone set or pass a kidney stone? If he endured the pain, would it make him a better person?

What happened to supporting one another, encouraging one another, or bearing one another's burdens? What happened to listening, preferring, praying, and loving? Labor and delivery can be a very vulnerable and stressful time for a woman. Our bodies are doing crazy, amazing, and uncontrollable things. We need a safe place emotionally. We need support and help, not rhetoric, shame, or guilt. I have no doubt that the midwife in the article is trying to help women. My opinion is that this is not the most effective or loving way to do that.

Having love and support from my husband is what helped me during labor, not any silliness from him that pain was my rite of passage and would make me a better mother, so buck-up little camper! Had he said any of that, maybe he would have had some of his own pain to deal with!

Involuntary Shudders

I like dark chocolate. Really, really like chocolate. My favorite is 72%, but I love a good 80%, too. Milk chocolate leaves me so unsatisfied. If you, too, really like dark chocolate, perhaps you'll understand this story.

I was working this morning and left my desk for about an hour for a meeting. I had packed a good dark chocolate bar in my purse this morning for an after-lunch snack. I always look forward to this snack.

As I pulled out my chocolate bar, I noticed a few tiny bits of wrapper in the bottom of my purse. Hmmm, that's weird.

Then as I was about to unwrap it and break off a piece, I saw that some of the wrapper was torn away on the edge.

I saw teeth marks that are substantially smaller than mine.

Then I remembered that my boss told me of a little critter visitor she'd seen yesterday in our office.

I put the pieces of the puzzle together....

EWWWWW!

It was in my purse EATING MY CHOCOLATE. IN MY PURSE!

Gross! Shudders.

I cleaned out my purse, washed my hands, and then did what any dark chocolate lover would do...

I broke off the mouse snack, threw it away, and enjoyed the rest of my chocolate.

I'm weird.

Did I mention that I love dark chocolate?

I don't love my purse anymore, though. Yuck.

Surrender Power/Show Love

I've been thinking about life, culture, and love. I was thinking about the power/authority that culture, tradition, and circumstances give certain people. What's a believer to do with the power (or authority) that they find themselves with? It seems like people, even good-intentioned ones, often end up abusing their power. Should believers avoid having any power at all? Is that even possible?


Then a thought struck my mind. I think that because this is the world we live in, we will have different kinds of power at different times in our lives. It's just how the world is set up. But, what if we saw the power that we have as an opportunity to serve the one who didn't have that power? What if we used our power contrary to the way the world expects us to use it?


Clear as mud? Let me give some examples:


As parents, we are stronger, bigger, and quicker than our children are for several years. When disciplining and implementing consequences, what if we laid down our power of physical strength to love and serve them with wisdom?


In many cultures, including our own, men are often given power, influence, and preference just because they're men. What if men laid down the power that culture and tradition affords them to serve women by prefering them, seeking out their wisdom and insights, promoting and encouraging them, or declining a speaking engagement so that a woman may have it?

People who have money are often very generous with that money. But it always amazes me how much attention, preference, opportunity, and free gifts come your way if you have money. You don't even have to lift a finger for them. What if, in addition to being generous, the person who had the money (and the perks that go with it) gave away their perks (the attention, preference, opportunities, complimentary box seats, etc.) instead to the person whose financial position could never command that kind of respect?

What if we directed any benefit that comes because of our power to those who don't have it?

I know that a lot of people do use the power that they have to serve others, but it just struck me that using your power to empower others is part of loving them.

I don't think it's not necessarily wrong to have power, whether it's big or small, for a short time or for years. Often we will be given power without seeking it because of our birth, circumstances, or genetic makeup. It's what you do with it that makes all of the difference. Jesus had all the power of heaven at His disposal, yet He didn't wield it over people. What He had He either used to help people, gave away, invited others to share with Him, or didn't use altogether.

Using your power in this way, making yourself decrease, doesn't necessarily make you look good. It may make you look like a fool or look like you're disdaining your power or gifts, but right now, it's the only way I can reconcile having the power given to us with the character of Jesus.

I welcome your thoughts.

What To Do?

My husband and I are planning a trip to visit a friend who has been ill. We will be staying with some other friends that weekend. We are looking forward to the trip.

As I was confirming our arrival time with our friends with whom we will be staying, they invited us to go to a marriage seminar with them that weekend.

Ack.

To be honest, neither my husband nor I want to go to the seminar. I'm not necessarily against marriage seminars per se. I looked at the event's website. Nothing really wrong, though nothing really specific about the focus of the seminar, either. We just aren't particularly jazzed about talking about something as complex and special as marriage with a bunch of strangers in a lecture setting, with time scheduled for awkward break-out sessions.

We're also on a tight budget for this trip, and the registration fee doesn't fit in. Our friends are extremely generous, and I'm afraid that if we decline for budget reasons, they'll offer to pay for us.

Then what?

Then we would graciously accept their generosity and use the time at the seminar to get to know them better and perhaps each other as well; hopefully there won't be any teaching about sex. There's not much that's more awkward and inappropriate (IMO) in a co-ed marriage seminar than teaching about sex in a lecture setting, a topic that Brant Hansen brilliantly outlines here.

What other legitimate reasons do we have for declining their invitation? We really don't have a lot of time on this trip and want to spend it with our ill friend and his family as well as with our marriage seminar friends. Is that reason enough?

I'm also afraid of inner conflicts with some of the teaching at this seminar. This seminar will be put on by an organization that I disagree with on some key marriage teaching. I think my friends agree with what the organization teaches and assume that we do as well. We love our friends and love their hearts for people. They inspire us in many ways, and we don't really want to get into our differing view of marriage unnecessarily with the short time we have or put on our plastic smiles and nod like little bobble-heads at everything the speakers say either.

So, what to do? We probably will initially decline for very real budget reasons and see where it goes from there. We don't want our friends to think we don't want to spend time with them. Quite the opposite. We've been wanting to see them for many months.

This will be interesting, not earth-shattering or as important as so many other things, but interesting all the same.

You're Not Alone

The other day I was getting some supplies for our business at our local Box Mart with my two youngest in tow. I had a rather large list, and by the end, there was hardly any room for my youngest in the cart. Walking all over the store with a large list near lunch time tries the patience of any toddler, so by the time we made it to the check out lane, we were all going a little batty.

The check out lane we were in happened to be directly next to the play land. I let my two run over there because I had an unobstructed view and it was just easier to put things on the little conveyor belt without the constant screams of "nanas!" (bananas) from my hungry little guy. They played over there for about 60 seconds before they came back with a "treasure."

My little guy had found a sucker somewhere over in play land. He already had the wrapper off.

So I let him eat it.

Sigh.... I've become "one of those mothers." One of those mothers who has screaming kids in the checkout lanes, one who lets her toddler run over to the play land, and, apparently, one who lets her children eat candy that they find on the floor. Turns out that the more kids you have, the greater likelihood there is that you will allow them to do things that you never would have let the first one do.

Then I heard the sweetest sound behind me. Another family with young children was behind me. After watching my little circus, the mother smiled at her husband and said, "We're not the only ones."

They understood, smiled patiently and compassionately, didn't roll their eyes in search of a better check out lane, and offered me some encouragement.

I've become "one of those mothers." But thankfully, there are more of us than I'd realized. It's good to not be the only one.

Theory vs. Reality

The Really Good Plan:







Enter Human Nature:

People are funny.

I'm Curious

I thought about Acts 4:32-37 today:

32 Now the multitude of those who believed were of one heart and one soul; neither did anyone say that any of the things he possessed was his own, but they had all things in common. 33 And with great power the apostles gave witness to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And great grace was upon them all. 34 Nor was there anyone among them who lacked; for all who were possessors of lands or houses sold them, and brought the proceeds of the things that were sold, 35 and laid them at the apostles’ feet; and they distributed to each as anyone had need. 36 And Joses, who was also named Barnabas by the apostles (which is translated Son of Encouragement), a Levite of the country of Cyprus, 37 having land, sold it, and brought the money and laid it at the apostles’ feet. (NKJV-emphasis mine)



Can anyone who is promoting a capital building campaign within their local church honestly tell me that there is absolutely NO ONE in their church (or local multitude of believers) who lacks and therefore NO ONE needs that money?